Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
