My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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