We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
