Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
