yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's Friday. Sex?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
