I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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