Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
