But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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