I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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