Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
