Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
