I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
