this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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