Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
