Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
