How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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