Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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