so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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