There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
