After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
