I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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