Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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