Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
