first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
