I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
