How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
