On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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