she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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