Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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