the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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