Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
