You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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