Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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