and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
