She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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