i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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