Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
