I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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