You're a womanizer and a bitch.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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