Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Every concussion has its silver lining
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
