This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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