me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize