belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
