I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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