I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
