She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i drank out of a bidet.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
