one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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