i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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