There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
