I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
