The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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