There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
