Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
