FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
