he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
