I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
