No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
