If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
