dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
