Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
