life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
