There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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