i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
