The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i love accidental penises.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
