I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
