My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
