If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
