I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
