just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
True strength comes from lack of pants
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