She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
