Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
bring money and cleavage
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
